Impasse

Could you ever imagine yourself looking at the mirror reminiscing happy moments with someone when suddenly, you remembered that you cannot spend another happy moments with that someone anymore? What would you feel? Would you feel sorry for that person or would you regret everything you hadn’t done for him?

            “Daddy ang lamig naman.” The young boy said to his father while rubbing his small hands to ease the numbing cold. Then the father carefully leaned to him handling his black jacket, “Sa iyo na ‘tong jacket ko.” Then as the boy quickly wore the jacket he smiled at his daddy. He adored his daddy very much. He looked at him as if his daddy was like a fallen angel that guides mankind, a knight that saves every good civilians and a roman god who protects his people and his land. From that moment on, he looked at him like that. He became so dependent to him even until the day that struck his heart so much… the day he would never ever forget on his entire life.

           

“Daddy… huwag ka pong susuko. Alam kong kaya mo ‘yan! Sayo na ‘tong jacket ko.” The boy who was no longer a kid said to his dying father. He blankly stared at the floor of the hospital while keeping his tears from falling. He wished he was strong enough to face the consequences or what could happen next. And then the inevitable time came. His father died. After that sorrowful moment, he realized there were no longer a fallen angel that would guide him throughout the day, a knight that would save him from pain and a roman god that would protect him from harm. The man that he considered as the best daddy in the whole world was no longer there for him.

Then this time, I welled with tears. Because that boy who was looking at the mirror and reminiscing the whole thing was me.

           

They said that there were two important days in our lives. First was when the day that we were born and second was when the day we knew the reason why. That is because the greatest tragedy was not death, but a life without purpose. Now if I were asked about what to feel when someone passed away or was lost, I would feel grateful because daddy can now rest with God and that taught me lessons to persevere from life. Death is inevitable… an impasse. But I never considered daddy’s death as my death also but that rather served as my reason to live anew and an instrument to rebuild myself.